Motivational Mondays: Evaluating our Goals

Hello Confident Butterflies,

   Today is all about pushing yourself to keep going even if it takes everything in your body to get there. I keep hearing the phrase “feed your soul” over and over again. I say it quite often to others but now that I hear it coming from other people, it's making me wonder about the goals I’ve made this year and why I haven’t been dedicated to achieving them to my fullest potential. Now is our chance to figure out if our soul is being nurtured and one way to do this is with these very simple tips.

   We can all do amazing things if we dedicated our full attention to one thing at a time. I have always believed in this method but was never really sure if I could master it. I remember back in grade school my teachers would tell me to multi task to get things done before the end of the day but I never really saw the effectiveness in doing that. I have found that my most successful moments have been times when I have fully dedicated myself to just ONE task. 

   This next tip is new to me so we are in this together! I just woke up one day needing an extra push and decided that it was time to hit the ground running…again. It’s often hard to stay on track and we can blame it on work, school or anything else that happens to be taking up most of our time but we know exactly what the cause is…lack of motivation. So I started to remind myself why I set certain goals in the first place. I just jot down a few things in the morning that truly makes a difference in my productivity level and can do the same for you so here's what you do,

Write down a goal and next to it jot down a sentence or two stating why you want to achieve this. For example, if your goal is to learn a new language, write down a specific reason why this is so important to you; you may be visiting another country and want to be able to get the full experience. The point of this exercise is to make you feel inspired all over again. Sometimes I don’t have time to sit down and reflect so this is perfect because as you're writing down your checklist for the day you can fit it in there. It can look something like this:
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1.   Deposit Check

2.   Call to confirm Mom’s Birthday gift order

3.   Gym (I want to look and feel amazing. I want to worry less about feeling sick after a meal and enjoy what I eat. I would also love to fit nicely in my bridesmaid dress in 6 months)

4.   Pedicure at 3:00pm (I want to start treating myself to nice things. Self-care is more important to me than anything because when I take care of myself I always feel more balanced)

5.   Yoga (Stay on top of this! Every time I do it, my back feels better and I feel more relaxed. I do not want to lose this feeling)             

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   This is literally all there is to it!! I hope that this helps you move forward and believe that you can find even just an ounce of motivation to get you through it. 

Thankful Thursdays: Feel the Happy, Ignore the Angry

Happy Thursday!

   Today is especially important to be thankful for everything because it is the end of Ramadan (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/06/02/what-is-ramadan-and-when-is-it/) and the celebration of Eid (http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2016/07/eid-al-fitr-160701164352978.html). For many people in the world, this day is the conclusion of a long hard reflection month where they devote themselves to God. For the rest of the wold, it is the end of a lunar cycle. Regardless of someone's practices or reasons, it is important to learn and teach the act of being grateful. Whether you're fasting for a month or handing money to the homeless man outside your building, there is so much that comes along with the act of giving. If we begin to understand someone else's circumstances we soon realize that we are all the same. I want to take this moment to bring awareness to all the crime, atrocity and injustice in the world. Who are we to say that we are better than someone else based on our upbringing or the color of our skin. We are all beautiful and it pains me to say the hurt is far greater than the love we share. Let's take a moment to truly find gratitude in our hearts and do something to change the world. I know it may seem impossible for many of us to find our place in this world and truly make a difference but we have to learn to take our knowledge and resources to help those who need it. Sometimes it is hard to see our own wealth because we are too busy comparing it to someone else's luxuries. Just remember, what you have is more than enough to someone in the world who has far less. If you ever forget this, observe these qualities and actions of a child:

1. Watch the way a baby plays with a piece of shiny plastic. A baby has no idea it is the torn up package of your new lipstick. She stares at it intently and realizes that when she bends the corner, it makes a clicking sound! That simple sound alone makes her giggle and when you add the shiny silver plastic strip to the equation, she can't stop smiling. This one small piece of plastic has brought her joy, what can you think of in your life that seems insignificant but has the potential to bring you ultimate joy?

2. Imagine a mother who was unable to afford the latest Disney toy for her child and instead heads over to target or even the dollar store to grab the cheapest thing she can find. Her child is ecstatic when he sees the pack of mini harmonicas in 5 different colors and the coloring book with a pack of crayons attached to the cover page. His mother spend less than $10 but the child doesn't know that nor does he care. When you have someone who is willing to offer you something to make you happy, try to accept it and learn to appreciate it. Think of something you have received in the past that was the complete opposite of what you were hoping for. Now think back to that person and their thought process, amount of time and love they put into getting you that particular gift. If you truly believe they didn't put thought into your gift then think about it this way, they didn't have to get you anything at all and the simple thought of wrapping something up is very generous of them and that alone I believe should be appreciated.

3. Live in the present moment. I have a nephew who reminds me to do this everyday. He is full of live and has no worries that keep him from enjoying his day. If he feels like he wants to play, he runs outside and takes advantage of the sun before it sets. When playing with water, he isn't worried about getting his clothes wet; He is completely oblivious about the fact that he is pouring all his water out of the bucket and won't have any left to play with after 5 minutes. Sometimes when I stop to think about life before him, I can't really remember much because I was always worried about what the next step of my life would be rather than living in the moment. As you read this, take a moment to think about what you are doing and the way you are feeling. I will end it here so that you can hope off the computer or your phone and start living life!

   As you continue on this journey called life, remember to be grateful and give back as much as you can.

   

Thankful Thursdays: A Letter Would be Better.

Hello Butterflies,

   Happy Thursday or should I say Thankful Thursday! Today is the day before Friday and naturally the mind focuses on negative thoughts and the body feels quite sluggish. I want today to be about feeling great! Training ourselves and our mind to focus on the positive thoughts is one way to make you feel amazing. There are plenty of ways to make Thursday feel like Friday! However, the top three ways I know of make Thursday fly by but live on forever in your memory.

Tip 1: Live selflessly. This should be something you are used to doing but today is the day to be aware of it. I suggest doing everything you can to make someone's day better. Help someone by giving them advice when they ask for it, helping a neighbor get to work if they are having a rough morning or saying hello to someone new. Being mindful when doing this and successfully making someone's day better will make you feel amazingly confident in the person you are and who you are becoming.

Tip 2: Have fun! I know it's a Thursday and its your last day to be productive before the weekend but I think Wednesdays are for worrying about work...remember?! Thursday should be about letting go of your worries and setting aside time to unwind. Call a friend and meet for coffee after work or head to the beach and catch the sunset. Have you ever said "The weekend just flew by!"? With this tip, you may never feel like that again because it allows you to spread out plans and feel more relaxed when going into work the next day.

Tip 3: Call a friend/ loved one and express your appreciation for them...a letter would be better. Imagine shuffling through the junk you pulled out of the mailbox and suddenly seeing your name handwritten on an envelope, how would that make you feel? If you are anything like me, you would drop all the bills and advertisements, head over to the couch and read all about your friends' new adventures. Maybe she lives a 1,000 miles away from you or down the street; you can miss someone no matter where they are in the world. I often send letters out to a friend of mine from High School who lives in a different state and even though we talk and text occasionally, I still feel it is important to send her something every so often to show her that I will always value her friendship. Grab a pack of thank you cards at your nearest CVS and start writing! I assure you this will impact not only your life, but the person who is special enough to hold a place in your heart.

   Today, just like any other day will have it's problems but never forget to smile and be thankful for every passing moment.    

Work Wednesdays: Be Your Own Inspiration...With A Little Help!

   We are officially 6 months into the year, this calls for some serious self-reflection!

   Our first Work Wednesday will consist of working on ourselves. Reflections are the most important way to track your progress! Depending on how serious you are about improving your life, you need to be honest with yourself. Often times, we just need some one on one time with ourselves. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to reveal the underlining truth. You can also email your responses to me at dnaseem11@gmail.com and I can give you my reflection based on your answers. I do not claim to be an expert but I do know quite a bit about being confident and allowing yourself to change what you don't want and grow on what you love about yourself. I studied counseling/social change and sociology in college and hope I can take what I learned about people and how they interact/communicate and combine it with my own life experience to help identify your main dilemmas and begin to break away from the things that are holding you back.

   These questions are to help you identify what you feel needs the most improvement and for me to help you in the best way I can. I will ask a general question and provide a description that will help you understand why it is important to identify these things. Some questions are a description in themselves so there's no need for me to put an add-on. With that said, let’s get started!

1) What is your favorite physical feature? (It is important to focus on the good because it allows you to identify a starting point to begin building your confidence...I've always said it is easier to finish a paper once you are satisfied with the topic sentence).

2) What is your least favorite physical feature? (This is not based on what you think other people find unappealing, it is your own thoughts on your least favorite feature...so look deep within).

3) Why do you think your confidence isn't where you want it to be? Is it solely based on your inner feelings or are there outside factors that come into play? (Think hard about why you aren't happy with your current self).

4) Do you think you can be where you want to be and maintain a newly found confidence? (This question is to get an idea of how committed you are in the process). 

5) Are you comfortable with what you identify as in terms of sexual orientation?  (If you can identify this in less than 2 seconds, it proves a certain level confidence and shows that you are sure about who you are).

6) I want you to think hard about what your deepest desires are. What do you crave and want to unleash during this process? 

7) Let’s talk emotions! Are you allowing emotions to control you? In other terms, are you an "emotional do-er"; do you eat based on how you're feeling, do you make decisions based on emotions or act out because your heart is taking over rather than your brain?

8) List your 6 month goals. Make sure they are obtainable and realistic goals. You do not want to set a bar too high for yourself because realistically, you will disappoint yourself thinking it is never possible to achieve anything if you don't meet one of these goals. I believe anyone can accomplish anything in a short period of time if they commit to it. However, I want you to be honest with yourself and make sure that once you have these goals written down, you will commit 100% to achieving them in the time period you set. After writing these goals down in FULL descriptive detail (for instance, if it's a weight goal I want you to put your current weight along with your desired weight and include what you will do to get there), how will it feel if you accomplished each and every one of these goals? Also, what are some of the perceived obstacles you think will keep you from accomplishing these goals?  Yes, this question will take some time but it is well worth it.

9) DUN DUN DUN! Religion. It is a touchy subject but something that greatly contributes to your confidence because it is how you define a big part of yourself. This question can either be really simple to answer or it can stop you dead in your tracks. What religion do you identify with? If none, then just say what your general beliefs are (eg: if you are a spiritual person or you never paid any mind to a certain believe, explain this). And finally, if you have always believed something but aren't sure about it anymore, talk about your relationship with God or why you no longer feel committed to the religion. This is important to understand because it is part of an uncertainty or certainty in your life. In my experience, being unsure about how to identify something in your life throws you completely off balance and you begin to question other areas in your life which causes you to see what isn't there. As a result, you begin to lose confidence in yourself.

10) Borrowing the idea from an intelligent mind Patti Dobrowolski, we will now become artists...so to speak. Here is an exercise that will ensure some visual motivation. I want you to draw what you are currently feeling. Draw the things you are unhappy about in your life (this doesn't have to be perfect, STICK FIGURES ARE ALLOWED). Take a look at the results and put it off to the side. Now draw what your dream life looks like in your mind; draw out everything you want to see happen in your life with great detail. This picture will motivate you in more ways than one. It will help you visualize your goals and motivate you to pursue them. Look at the pictures side by side, are you prepared to make these great improvements in your life? Are you prepared for a journey that will change your life!? (If you want to watch Patti Dobrowolski's Ted talk as inspiration just type this into YouTube: "Draw your future Patti Dobrowolski TEDxRainier" or click this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zESeeaFDVSw ).

**I would love to see some of these pictures! 

   I hope this exercise can help you uncover what is stopping you from enjoying the new you! If anything, it will get you thinking about what it is that you really want for yourself and your life.

Tuesday Talks: See it to Believe it!

Hello Butterflies,

      Today on my blog I will introduce what Tuesday Talks are all about and how it can help you become more confident in everything you set out to do. The most inspiring thing to me is hearing someone's success story. People who push themselves to reach every goal they set are the people you should be surrounding yourself with. They seem to be functioning at 110% every day, every hour! Sure, they have their bad days but never do they allow those days to get in the way of success. I love hearing what inspires them to continue to stay motivated to do the very best they can. I want to dedicate Tuesdays to each and every one of you out there, those who took the journey as well as those on the journey. Each week I will introduce you to someone that has drive, passion and the confidence to be more than extraordinary. This list of people includes those I know personally or those that are influential to me or the world. People I read about and those who impact me personality will get a spotlight Tuesdays for your daily dose of confidence. We can all learn from these people and do our best to become the greatest versions of ourselves.

Motivational Mondays: Just Wake Up and Suit Up!

          For our very first Monday together, let's get motivated! How about we start living our lives by simply waking up and suiting up. Okay now that we've realized it's not that easy, let's talk. I can suggest a few tips to help you feel motivated today!

TIP 1: Find the perfect spot! This is the most important motivational booster. Finding a spot where you can freely express yourself is key. If you know you will not get anything done at home, find a place where you usually do. You know yourself well enough to know that there is a place that never fails you, am I right? If you're a Starbucks lover like me then head over to the nearest location and dedicate an hour to finish what you need to. Trust me, it is the perfect space to get your mind going and get everything done. If you prefer to be alone you can try finding a local park; make sure you pack water and some snacks, you'd be surprised how long you stay motivated with nature.

TIP 2: Start the night before. When you decide that tomorrow will be the day you start being more productive, start today. The simple decision to change should motivate you to start right away. I understand it is much harder to be proactive when you decide to change your life at 11:00pm. The simplest way is to make a list, mentally works but a physical list is much better and I prefer paper but a phone would do just fine. Write down everything you plan to do to change and also add whatever it is that needs to get done in general so you can get rid of the clutter in your mind. This list can simply be phrases and bullet points because it's intended purpose is to get you started. Don't think of this as a to-do list because we all know how well those work out. See this more as a therapeutic way to clear your mind so you can finally start planning and confidently making changes.

TIP 3: Never compare your past to your present. I only say this because this is what keeps me from staying motivated. If I failed to complete what I set out to today, doesn't mean I won't succeed tomorrow. When you wake up the next morning feeling disappointed in yourself, you are missing the big picture. You should feel lucky you have another day to prove to yourself that greatness is right around the corner! Now forget what you didn't do yesterday because you now have a clean slate.

        I hope you and I both can walk away from this feeling motivated to change what we've been meaning to for a while. Wherever life decides to take you along the way, just remember to conquer it confidently!

Stop, Look and Admire but DO NOT COMPARE!

        We see, we like, we do. It is only natural to want to be like someone you admire but we must remember that adoring them is not an invitation to hurt ourselves. I find that comparing yourself to others makes you blind to the beauty you already posses. If we feel that someone has gorgeous hair, why can't we just stop there? As we all know, the mental thought process usually goes something like this, "Ugh I love her hair, it's not as damaged and thin as mine". The comparing always seems to follow but there is a better way, three better ways actually!

        One way is to notice the pattern your mind follows, "positive send and negative receive". We tend to send out the compliment and allow ourselves to receive the criticism. If you can train your mind to stop after complimenting someone, you will notice a dramatic change in the way you feel about yourself. Yes, you're admiring someone else's beauty or talent but when you eliminate the negative attack towards yourself you will notice a change. You begin to see less of a fault in what you thought was such a problem.

        Another way is to notice their success and let it motivate you. Think of them as your very own guide to success. If you want what they have, start to see their actions as inspiration. Learn from others but don't feel the need to compare your life to anyone else's. It is really hard to criticize and compare yourself to others when you are too busy bettering yourself. 

        My final suggestion would be to focus on yourself. You are the only one who can edit and delete major details in your life as you live it. When you are comparing yourself to others, you are allowing them to unintentional control your life. Stay true to who you are and aspire to be who you wish to be.

        I understand that social media makes it extremely hard to stay away from comparisons but if we allow ourselves to let go of the pressure, we will begin to feel powerful. The confidence is always inside you, it just needs to be activated! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and I hope this was a reminder for you to always stay true to yourself while being kind to others!

OH DARLING, EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL!

          You have decided to take control of your life...great! By doing so, you have already completed the first step. Confidence defines who you are and how you choose to live your life. I believe even the most confident people have their insecurities but they don't allow those insecurities to dictate their lives. In fact, they will do everything they can to overcome them without anyone else realizing they had a problem. False confidence helps trick your opponents  or audience into believing you can achieve anything. This is good to have when you aren't sure about something at the moment. However, the best type of confidence is true confidence. I am here to tell you that it is possible to reach the highest point of confidence and own it! Here are three steps to help you start your journey.

Step 1: Become familiar with your greatest insecurities. Believe it or not, we all feel insecure about something and it is important to identify it.

Step 2: Create a plan to tarnish these confidence crushing insecurities. Once you know what makes you feel bad you can begin to change it. For example, if you believe you are a horrible public speaker, start speaking in public more often. The more you stay away from what makes you feel insecure, the more it can potentially overpower you. Start off by talking in small groups, whether it's with your group of friends or in class, you can begin to see how it feels. This will help you realize that the worst is really not bad at all.  The most important question I ask myself anytime I am in an uncomfortable/unfamiliar situation is "WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?" and truth be told, it is never as bad as it seems.

Step 3: Once you confidently master what seemed impossible, continue to go down the list of insecurities and knock them off one by one. Say you have seven insecurities in mind and decide to jot down five of them to work on. Once you have knocked one off the list, do not say you have four left, add one of the two lingering insecurities hiding in your mind to the list. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself during this process. If you aren't truly honest with yourself, it may be more difficult to overcome your insecurities.

         These general steps should help you overcome whatever is it you're feeling insecure about. Push aside the insecurities and allow the confidence to shine through!